(no subject)

I cannot relax here. Awake and anxious and I have to be up in one hour. I want to talk to people, or more accurately I want to sit next to a fire and listen and have a beer or tea and just spread out and kick the dirt or something. I don't want the sick to my stomach feeling of wondering if the walls are too thin to talk freely or if the door is going to open when Im in bed. I need sleep. I need some quiet, and a dose of reality you know just a little break from gaslighting and being pleasant. I need sleep