Goddamnit

I am so tired of the running commentary on my spending. A short grocery list turned into 5 hours of shopping because I was guilted into going to two more "cheaper" stores and I am in so much pain. No more time to cook today. Then I got lectured on how Im cooking too much and why is x too expensive for me if Im buying y and then i got yelled at because my parents double booked themselves on a day they were going to drive me to a social thing and its just a fucking mess and part of me feels five and the rest of me feels empty and like i want to just find any way to shut off my brain in a dark empty room for a day or a week. Have to smile placidly or else. Cry then shut it off. I want to live alone and be able to leave whenever I want.