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Apr. 11th, 2017 05:51 pm
Where do I go?
I broke up with Jonno last week. I am uncertain how much I want to write about it online. I am keenly aware that I can't unsay things. I will say that I am devastated and I am hurting. I have been alternating between sad and angry and numb and so many things. Today numb seems to be winning.
Even with my warnings that I was thinking of moving and with the recent trip to NY, I am finding that I was still hoping that he would join me and looking at properties with that hope, subconsciously I guess.
What kind of gardening do I want to do if I am alone with my fickle health? Do I still want chickens? How the hell am I going to get out there, and where is there?
I am positively lost in the logistics. In a perfect world moving would be cheaper and apartments would be dog and breed friendly. I'd move to NY and rent for a year maybe on a month to month lease and see if I fall in love with it, see if I can build community there and find neighborhoods I like and see if it could fill the hole in my heart left by Tennessee and Jonno. I'd have a car, a hatchback than can barely hold my dog and a dwarf tree, and Amtrak would allow dogs in the cabins and I'd take the train with Brandy and Simon down to Knoxville and visit. I'd get my toes in some water and have some good tea and listen to bugs in the summertime. and maybe I'd settle back in the south after all.
Tennessee still sounds like home to me but the political stuff happening right now is terrifying. I don't want to die.
I emailed pitbull rescues in several cities asking for recommendations on friendly rentals so I could have a homebase for house shopping. I've reached out to friends for advice on rooms for rent. I've asked realtors. No luck so far. As I understand my alternatives are camping, an RV I don't have, weekly rentals at Motel6? Is there something I am missing? My folks keep suggesting flying out to put offers on houses. But the market out east is so so different- even if I am certain of the area I want, which I am not, there are no guarantees a house I like will still be there by the time I arrive, the supply of accessible houses is low, and home inspections turn up so much more stuff on houses built in the 20s than houses built in the 70's.
Weather gets serious; most winterized homes I have seen in my price range are full of mold. its complicated.
Even with my warnings that I was thinking of moving and with the recent trip to NY, I am finding that I was still hoping that he would join me and looking at properties with that hope, subconsciously I guess.
What kind of gardening do I want to do if I am alone with my fickle health? Do I still want chickens? How the hell am I going to get out there, and where is there?
I am positively lost in the logistics. In a perfect world moving would be cheaper and apartments would be dog and breed friendly. I'd move to NY and rent for a year maybe on a month to month lease and see if I fall in love with it, see if I can build community there and find neighborhoods I like and see if it could fill the hole in my heart left by Tennessee and Jonno. I'd have a car, a hatchback than can barely hold my dog and a dwarf tree, and Amtrak would allow dogs in the cabins and I'd take the train with Brandy and Simon down to Knoxville and visit. I'd get my toes in some water and have some good tea and listen to bugs in the summertime. and maybe I'd settle back in the south after all.
Tennessee still sounds like home to me but the political stuff happening right now is terrifying. I don't want to die.
I emailed pitbull rescues in several cities asking for recommendations on friendly rentals so I could have a homebase for house shopping. I've reached out to friends for advice on rooms for rent. I've asked realtors. No luck so far. As I understand my alternatives are camping, an RV I don't have, weekly rentals at Motel6? Is there something I am missing? My folks keep suggesting flying out to put offers on houses. But the market out east is so so different- even if I am certain of the area I want, which I am not, there are no guarantees a house I like will still be there by the time I arrive, the supply of accessible houses is low, and home inspections turn up so much more stuff on houses built in the 20s than houses built in the 70's.
Weather gets serious; most winterized homes I have seen in my price range are full of mold. its complicated.